I hate being called bossy or “bitchy” by a man when he doesn’t get want he wants from me. I’m called “nice” when I have given up the digits; “patient” for not calling him out on his indiscretions; “sweet” when he calls at 12:01 a.m. in the morning and I’m not cussing him out; “kind” when I give sound advice; “warm and hospitable” when I play hostess at my home; “priceless” when doing all of the above. And on and on and on. But, let me put my foot down and its “bitch.” News flash: Contrary to the kindness I expressed above, I am not, nor will I ever be a “yes” woman. The people on whose backs I stand every day fought tirelessly, and painfully, and gave their lives so that I would not have to be a “yes” woman/person to survive in this society. And now, some brotha or any man for that matter wants to label me because I say the famed words, “No” to one of his long, drawn out list of requests. You may be the descendant of kings but this is a democracy and I’m upholding my personal constitution, Article 3.6.5. Which statutes that:
365 days a year, 24 hours per day, I will manifest my own destiny, free from the bonds of mental, emotional, physical, sexual, environmental, or technological slavery; this is not subject to change regardless of who may enter my life. I declare my independence from the labels, limitations, and expectations of other people.
Man (because by any other name would reek of sourness) - In case you missed all of the things I said “yes” to let me remind you: I said “yes” to getting to know you; “yes” to opening my house up to you; “yes” to going out to dinner with you; “yes” to entertaining you; “yes” to exposing my vulnerabilities to you; “yes” to hearing about your workday; “yes” to being the best friend I could be to you within my capabilities – but when I say “no” (as Beyonce sings on her first album), it’s like I never said “yes.” All of the times I said “yes” are erased by the one time I said “no.” And when I say “no” you try to lump me into a category with all other bitter, man-hating women.
As a single person, freedom is crucial to my personal walk. We have so many things which bind us – gas, taxes, bills, work, just to name a few – that we have to grab for every shroud of time we get to enjoy just being free. When someone tries to take my freedom away by labeling me because I don’t fit into their mold - whether it be as a “yes” woman or a submissive woman or just a human - then I’m not going to back down from the fight. After all, this is the fight of my life. So bring it on.
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