Black Picket Fences: The Mayor Of Singleville: "We are Madly in Love" - NOT! - Lessons Learned: Plus the Danger of Text Messages.

In my life, last week was truly a lesson about the benefits and challenges of self-control. The stakes are high. And the price we pay for lack of control and lack of restraint is too costly for many to bear. I decided to allow someone into my life who I thought was cool, maybe really cool. And, instead of developing a friendship and spending time together, he displayed a gross lack of self control and ended up putting intense pressure on me to be sexually intimate with him. Day one – I tell him I’m practicing abstinence. Instead of respecting my values, he decides to test me and proceeds to call me ‘selfish’ because I will not give in to his advances. Not to mention the fact that I also let him know upfront that dating is the second to last thing on my mind. *sigh* It’s a quest and a life lesson in restraint and self control that I’m on, and it’s definitely worth the physical sacrifice in pursuit of a higher level of spirituality, faith, and wisdom.

Don’t get me wrong: I’m not knocking anyone else’s walk. But I am saying that it’s important to exercise some self control.

As I attended an Easter service Saturday night with my family, I felt extremely tired and conflicted, because I tangled head to head with the devil for 72 hours leading up to Easter (kinda ironic isn’t it). I kept wondering why I was made to feel guilty for walking the path of spiritual and mental transcendence. Why did I feel a need to cut myself off physically from men now at this point? Why couldn’t I give in and share my bed? Did it really make a difference to share my body and connect with someone on that level? Then came the answer that continues to strengthen my resolve – Time and time and time again, sex has not strengthened bonds, but rather it has disconnected people from themselves and the relationships they seek. For some it doesn’t matter what comes; They just want to be physical and they want it now. For others, it’s the thrill of the hunt, the passion, the obsession, the mating call. Once the independent soul is captured, they move on to the next conquest.

My aunt handed me her bible and I began physically turning pages in search of something to heal the mental voices taunting me. It didn’t happen instantaneously because I didn’t let the word come. About 5 minutes later, after I gave up the search and closed the Good book, something prompted me to reopen the Word and it opened immediately to Matthew 7:6-8.

(Amplified)6Do not give that which is holy (the sacred thing) to the dogs, and do not throw your pearls before hogs, lest they trample upon them with their feet and turn and tear you in pieces.

7Keep on asking and it will be given you; keep on seeking and you will find; keep on knocking [reverently] and [the door] will be opened to you.

8For everyone who keeps on asking receives; and he who keeps on seeking finds; and to him who keeps on knocking, [the door] will be opened.

(Contemporary English Version) 6Don't give to dogs what belongs to God. They will only turn and attack you. Don't throw pearls down in front of pigs. They will trample all over them.

7Ask, and you will receive. Search, and you will find. Knock, and the door will be opened for you. 8Everyone who asks will receive. Everyone who searches will find. And the door will be opened for everyone who knocks.

Those verses speak plainly for themselves. Stop sharing the fruits of your life with people who are undeserving. Because they will pull you downward to their level instead of raising you upward. If a person can’t respect your walk and your personal truths, and values, then you should shake off the dust and move forward. Perhaps by your setting an example of excellence, they will be forever changed. Never compromise who you are in the name of “trying to be liked or loved” or accepted. Find strength and control in the knowledge that you are worthy. If you want a lifetime mate, stop tipping around the pig sty or kennel in search of a lifetime mate. Honestly, pigs, dogs, and humans do not speak the same language. Instead, ask the highest of the high for what you want and it will come. I’m no religious zealot, but I take comfort in God’s arms, getting spiritually lifted. It’s tough out here.

And speaking of tough, what happens when you go messing around the cherry tree – broken families, potential job loss, money problems, court cases, STDs, emotional anguish, and loss of all of the persons, places and things you hold near and dear. That idea got me thinking about the Detroit mayor. So I decided to write him a letter.

To Mayor Kilpatrick,

I know you’re a great leader, but there are high expectations and responsibilities for those in power. What example have you set for our young men and women? The divorce rate is spiraling out of control. Most children out there are products of broken homes and disenchanting situations. Our people need clear examples of leaders doing the right things. You aren’t ‘just a man’ whose inconsistencies should be swept under the table because of your gender; you lead millions of people and that’s the standard you must be held to each day. The people of Detroit voted you into office, an office you led with public fervor and private fallacy. And in the end, how will you now be remembered? As the mayor who could have been great, taking his place at the table of positive change? Or as the man who compromised it all, including his family, position, and reputation, because he was ‘madly in love’ with one of his top aides who was also married at the time? The questions remain. The damage is done. Mistakes have been made. But in the end – how you handle yourself within the trials of your life shows the true measure and character of you, the public official and the man. From the lens under which I view you, your measure and character have yet to be determined from this calamity. The jury’s still deliberating. My heart goes out to your family.