So I had an uneventful weekend in singleville. It seems that old ghosts stir when things are uneventful; and then there is the hint of change on the wind whispering that it’s about to take hold whether I like it or not. I’ve always been – and I can admit this openly – a controller. My intention is not to control people, but rather the outcome of certain events. I enjoy having a plan and knowing that my week is going to go a certain way, a scheduled way. So it goes without saying that I know each day what I am doing. It’s a must. Juggling work and graduate school as well as personal goals requires a schedule. Deviating from the schedule happens and I flow sometimes resistantly, sometimes willfully, sometimes nonchalantly to the change. Perhaps that’s another reason I’m single. I accept not knowing everything, nor is that an ambition of mine (I do exist in reality). But what I can’t accept is being treated less than I deserve or compromising because I’m “supposed” to for the sake of getting and keeping a man. It’s often an unwritten law that women are to change their lives to fit to into the mold of men who enter their lives romantically. But I have a set schedule. A set schedule for most of my week. Therefore if I were to see someone they would have to understand that, not constantly challenge it. You see, who I am and the ambitions I have to change the world aren’t going to cease when I become part of a twosome. I see that happening with a lot of people and that’s not my idea of life. When I observe children, they have such a zest and passion for living and expressing new ideas, challenging old ways of getting things down; and, when I observe adults I hear nostalgia. Sorry but no. The time is now. The idealism of youth isn’t an afterthought, it’s a revolution. But I digress. *Sigh* Back to my soapbox. In my own way, I’m operating under those unwritten adult laws: I pay bills, I make schedules, I complain about gas/taxes (yet I have yet to write one letter to my representatives in congress), I do the day to day stuff barely finding time to just dream and see the world from a perspective of beauty and passion and opportunity. But the one place for me where I find the most idealism outside of the political arena is relationships.

When I talk of idealism concerning relationships, I’m not talking about Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White and Happily ever after. I’m talking about making a difference in the world based on being together. Finding joy and passion within a twosome. Building a bond, a connection that is timeless, not just for this wrinkle in time. If I can’t have a conversation with you that consists of more than just superficiality, how could I build a deep bond with you? If you can’t understand my dreams (as I try hard to understand yours) and work with me (as I work with you) to come together at a time of meaningfulness, then it will never work. If we can’t kiss each other passionately without you thinking it’s leading to other things and pressing for other things, then perhaps we aren’t on the same page. If all I hear from you is sports and sports or how your job sucks, then what will you get in return from me? If every word out of your mouth is sexually related, I will never take you seriously. If you don’t know the value of sending a handwritten card instead of an “I heart you” text message all the time, then you’re really missing the point. If you can’t seem to remember anything I say, then I’m going to assume that you aren’t interested in getting to know me, but rather you just like the “idea” of me. If your time at home consists solely of gaming and your boys, then you should marry them and all get a house together. If your consciousness consists of just 10-second news snippets you heard on Tom Joyner, I will save you the trouble – don’t contact me. If you don’t understand or acknowledge the disparities that exist in America (class, education, career, race, gender, ethnicities) or across the world and you’re just concerned with how “the man” gets you down, then you will inevitably miss a lot of points I will bring up in conversation. If you can’t understand that I don’t want to hang in the house every time we get together but would rather go out – to a movie, to the park, to dinner, to breakfast, to sit outside on the patio and talk, to the coast, to the Dollar Store or flea market to look for bargains, to a concert, to a play, to sit in the car and listen to the radio, to starbucks, to the gym, to the grocery store – then you just don’t get who I am and I just don’t want to be bothered. Gas is high. But creativity is priceless, my friend.

I’ve been reading and listening to a lot of guys and I’m hearing stuff like:

“Ladies, if you can handle a man treating you like a queen, then I’m the man for you.”

“Yeah, I’m a man.”

“No kids, a house, a car, own job: Now what you gotta say?”

“A lot of females say they know what they want, but they don’t”

If I can handle? Did anyone question your manhood? Oh, and because you have no kids, a house, a car, and a job, I’m supposed sing your praises or roll over and let you walk all over me like a rug – Hmmmm I think not. Perhaps females do know what they want, but they find themselves not knowing how to reject you, trying to be nice, instead of kicking you to the curb. *sigh* It’s all just a bit played out. Can you step to me so I can learn something new and exciting? Can you inspire me with your actions, not just your resume? Can you find a new line instead of spitting old game that doesn’t work? Better yet, just be yourself, instead of your representative. Can you see that though I wear pants, I don’t want to be a man? And really and truly, could you stop messing around with women’s emotions and start getting in tune to your own emotions? Can you? Can we? I’m serious.

I say all of this to say, this blog is not intended to pick on men, nor express any bitterness. I’m just highlighting my thoughts and experiences as I’ve moved through singleville. And, I’m discontent by what I see our men and women doing to each other. We are so enveloped in materialism and hedonism until the pure joy of meeting someone and developing a relationship is disintegrating. I’ll end by telling a story:

My favorite dish at the Chinese TakeOut down the street from where I live is Broccoli Shrimp. So one particular day I sat in the takeout waiting for my order to be ready. I watched a couple come in the restaurant. I didn’t know they were a couple at first but I observed them for about 5 minutes. The guy was a bit shorter than the lady. The lady was tall with very distinct acne. I thought about my own battle with acne for years and years when I saw her walk in. She seemed a bit shy, perhaps with some confidence issues. They walked up to the counter and ordered. And I waited to see who would pay. I was curious: Would he pay? Would she pay? Would they go dutch? After being in that position on numerous occasions, the “picking up the tab” anxiety always comes no matter if you’re at Date 1 or Date 100. So, I watched as he reached into his pants pocket and pulled out a $20 to pay for the meal. He looked over at me and I smiled at him and nodded hello just to be friendly. I think he knew I was watching by that point. He was proud to be with this woman on this occasion. I could tell by his body language. Her body language spoke to the fact that she was unsure of many things. But I could tell this was definitely a first date, looking to be between two friends who perhaps wanted more. So a few minutes passed and the couple saunters over to the little machine where you put the quarter in and try to use the joystick to grab one of the stuffed animals inside the glass. So then the guy whips out a quarter and the lady stands awkwardly next to him still a little unsure of everything. A few seconds later he grabs the brown teddy bear, the prize he won from the game, from the little shoot at the bottom of the game station and hands it to her. Her confidence soared in that one gesture. She softly accepted the teddy and smiled widely. She didn’t ask for it. It wasn’t Valentine’s Day. It wasn’t a Prada handbag or a Laptop computer. And the look on her face was priceless. For the night, he was her hero. And they held hands and sat down at an empty table awaiting their meal. Cost of Chinese Food for two: $20. Cost of Game: 25 cents. Romance, giggles, and smiles at the Chinese Takeout: Priceless. Some things money can’t buy. Discover all the ways in which you can make a difference in the life of someone special, even without spending a dime. It’s the simplicity of a 4-hour conversation over a coffee. It’s the mystery of a note from a secret admirer in your mailbox. It’s picking a daisy for a lady while walking through the park or calling just to say hello. It’s the random teddy bear in the Chinese takeout. It’s the invitation to attend an Obama rally together. It’s about humanity. That’s what’s missing. Can’t you feel it?