Waking Up.

I'm so vibing on this quote. It practically made my night.

Paul Valery - "The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up."

How much more simple, yet definitively profound can you get. Ponder that.

Damaged...

Single. Ok today was not a good day. I was happy to celebrate Mother's Day with my mom, but as my own personal life continues unraveling, one scenario after the next, doubts and fears begin to creep into my thoughts. Actually the past few weeks haven't been going as well as I would have liked. *kicking myself* But the damage is done. Ultimately I have to learn and grow from these issues. More to come.

Will He Stick Around when the Dust Settles?

There's a certain heavy anxiety that comes when being tested for STDs. Even when you're not sexually active or heavily sexually active, there's still a bit of anxiety like somehow, the silent virus got you anyway. I felt that way today as my doctor asked me if I wanted to be tested for STDs. It was a anxiety like, "OH MY, what if...". The anxiety shouldn't be there because I've been tested a number of times. My blood is analyzed every which way because I have lupus, but even so, the anxiety exists. It's ironic, that the same anxiety doesn't exist when you're in the heat of the moment though. Human nature is a beast. Last night, on Grey's Anatomy something McSteamy said to me really hit home. He told McDreamy's new girlfriend Rose that the only reason she wasn't giving it up was because she was afraid the guy wouldn't stick around afterwards - after the sex was over and life continues on... That statement really resonated with me. There's a certain anxiety surrounding physical intimacy, particularly if the friendship isn't tight and solidified before you sleep with a person. When you share so much, so fast with a person and you trust them and you bond in this extremely chemical, physical, sexual, kinetic way, you wonder... ponder... and sometimes agonize over whether they will be there when the dust settles.

In many of my blogs I've written on the idea of emotional cords. When you connect with someone physically, then whether you like it or not, you've formed an emotional cord with that person and it takes time for that cord to be completely severed if the relationship isn't working and you want out. Your body is affected. Your mind is affected and even your heart is affected whether you thought there was a possibility for love, like, more sex, or just companionship. This is where the idea of rebound relationships - sexual and otherwise - enters the picture. When we don't cut cords we bounce around searching for other conquests so we can hang on to the feeling we had with Person A, instead of cutting cords so we can start anew.

I must admit McSteamy had a point last night. Sometimes the risk is too much to bear... Whether I'm waiting for STD results or wondering if he'll be around in the morning... It's all a big gamble. And I don't like gambling with my heart (or my body). I've only got one and its bruised enough.

Liar, Liar: Pants on Fire!!

I’ve been extremely quiet lately. In addition to finishing up finals in two days, I’ve totally exhausted myself and more than likely, it will take me the entire summer to get some much needed rest. Lately I haven’t minded being single so much until I’m challenged by those deemed unworthy – a live-in girlfriend over here, a pregnant ex-girlfriend over there, a crazy person next door. The old adage is that the energy we put off, we get back. Well, I must be putting off some stinkin thinkin energy lately because I’ve found myself surrounded by imbeciles. But the good news is… I’m done with my counseling psychology coursework. Now I need to get through my comprehensive exam, directed study, and internship and I’ll walk proudly in December. All of the hard work, sacrifice and commitment has paid off tremendously.
Now I can enjoy being single in the city. Many of my nights will be free and you will find me dancing under the moonlit sky, getting dressed up to the nines to go out for a drink, and furiously typing my directed study on lupus and hypnosis on weekends and some weekdays. Life is great. Stay tuned for more drama as it unfolds.

As an aside, I did go running Sunday for the first time EVER outdoors with a hottie who shall remain nameless. The fond memories of that outing overtakes the pain and burning sensations in my legs…

What the World Needs Now...

Oh how rare it is to have a stimulating, titillating conversation! It's almost better than sex (and sex really does begin with the mind). There is an art to conversation. Giving and receiving, listening and talking, nonverbal and verbal cues. Just as there is an art to sex or romance or writing a paper if you will. When done right, it can be a thing of beauty; when messed over, it is chaotic and painful to muddle through. Over the past days as I move deeper into the spring, I have had some terrific conversations, the kind over which I was dying for daily. I was so thirsty and didn't realize I was parched and needed the nourishment of that deep well of powerful words and connection. When a person has to dig into their deeper self, into those higher mental thought processes to communicate, its orgasmic. We exist on automatic pilot with the "hi, how are you", "The weather is...", "Whats for lunch", "I bought a Gucci bag".... until we forget the power and the stimulation of words and thoughts and feelings. Of just communicating. Of building. Of inspiring. Of delving deeply into the deep recesses of our own personal information superhighway. Finding someone with which to share dreams and goals and thoughts and fears is a breathtaking (albeit nerve racking) experience. Particularly when it's not just talking, but rather communicating deeply and meaningfully over and over in a delectable and insatiable cycle of intimate connection and rapture.

Did you know you can begin to save the world through one powerful conversation and connection... Now that's the building blocks of dare I say, LOVE (in all languages), which is what the world needs now...

Got a drug for Spring Fever?

Birds are chirping.
Trees are coming alive.
Ducks are mating.
Dogs are barking.
The sun is up till 8p.m.
And suddenly we’re all showing more skin…
It’s here. Spring is here. With a vengeance.

In other news, it’s becoming increasingly hard to stay single now that spring has arrived. I think in winter when its cold, a person wants to be inside where it’s warm and cozy and it’s much easier to stay single, but once spring hits and spring fever infects many people, ideas of lust and like and love start to bloom. Staying on the path is tough, particularly when your mind starts to wonder about that certain person or persons who keep shooting attention your way. Reality hits. Will you make it through the spring and summer and hold on to the freedom you declared at the beginning of 08? Or, four months into the year, will you break and allow yourself to get swept away into some romance?

I’ll keep you posted on what happens. Anyone who knows me knows I love the idea of surprises; but an actual surprise such as a guy popping out of nowhere and turning my head is definitely not my thing lol.

One of the most important parts of being happily single is filling life with all types of meaningful hobbies, interests, and causes. I wrote the blog last week on how important it is to be revolutionary in mindset and action. We can’t wait for life to come to us; we have to make things happen. So in the spirit of making things happen, I’m getting heavily involved this summer in two things I really want to do: Golf and martial arts.

Both golf and martial arts are activities I can master on an individual level that will aid in personal development. Learning something new such as golf and martial arts is an opportunity to compete with myself and learn to master something physical and active. That’s important in an overweight, overworked, over anxious society. Plus it takes the mind off the endless meat market that is the singles scene (oh so unattractive)…

That darn spring fever…

You're asking me to do what?

Over the past couple of months I’ve been thinking about what issues I’m really passionate about as a young person living in America. There are a plethora of battles to fight and the media enjoys telling us what issues should be important to us – currently the Clinton/Obama bickering, gas prices, foreclosures, and the latest celebrity breakups. Frankly, the media spotlight keeps us heavily sedated with 10 second soundbytes and endless punditry, which spawns cheeky conversations around the water cooler instead of action oriented drives to truly make a difference. I’m not as concerned about who’s picking up the red phone at 3a.m., Senator Clinton, as I am about making significant change.

Before Martin Luther King, Jr. was assassinated 40 years ago, April 4th, 1968, he was planning a Poor People’s campaign, a new phase of the Civil Rights movement. Many people, including myself, were not made aware of that campaign until recently. King saw poverty as a major issue sweeping the globe. Poverty reaches across color lines. The Poor People’s Campaign was to culminate in a March on Washington demanding economic aid to the poorest peoples of America. King strived to create a diverse, multiracial army of people empowered to fight for a poor people’s bill of rights (Economic Bill of Rights). Under the Economic Bill of Rights the campaign asked for $30 Billion anti-poverty package creating housing, jobs, and guaranteed annual income for America’s impoverished. The Economic Bill of Rights did not make it through Congress. This Poor People’s Campaign is an example of a revolutionary movement. King was a visionary with his finger on the pulse of the community, not the pulse of Washington.

We’re electing leaders who do not have their fingers on the pulse of the community. They do not live in the community. They do not work in the community. They do not venture into the community until its time for reelection. They did not elect to set up shop in the community, as Obama did, as a community organizer empowering people to find jobs, eliminate crime and gangs, and rally for better schools. They are out of place and out of touch, yet we, who are supposed to be an “enlightened” people, continue to make ignorant decisions concerning our country’s future progress.

King’s Poor People’s Campaign resonates today as global poverty grows. We live in a global community and it’s essential that everyone understands that fact. One in seven people in the world goes to bed hungry. Nearly 1 Billion people live in substandard housing without access to clean water, adequate sanitation or food. The United Nations reports that the number of slum dwellers worldwide will increase to 2 Billion within the next 30 years. When the AIDS statistics are mentioned in conjunction with the poverty statistics, we enter calamitous territory. http://www.one.org/issues/ There are many here in the US who have lost their jobs, can not find jobs, and can not pay the mortgage. There are houses without books in them, without food, without basic water, electricity, and other utilities we take for granted. We have a global crisis and the gap between rich and poor continues to widen. That economic divide knows no color or race or ethnicity or gender. Poverty does not discriminate.

In thinking about issues that resonate with me, global poverty and disease (which run comorbid) are among my top ten issues for change. When I come home to my cozy little apartment, I think about the little girl, age 7, living in FEMA toxic housing outside of New Orleans who has developed asthma due to her living conditions. When I open a bottle of water, I think about the little boy in sub-Saharan Africa who walks 5 miles one way every morning to gather water for his family. His mother died of AIDS a year ago and he cares for his 5-year old sister and grandmother who both are stricken with the disease. There is little food and little access to adequate medicines. We have a major global catastrophe on our hands and we’ve become numb. What will it take for us to wake up?

P.S. If any of you are wondering about what this has to do with my journey through Singleville, you’re missing the point. Being an advocate for change is a HUMAN responsibility.

The ONE Campaign - http://www.one.org/ - Wear a White Band today. Make a difference. ONE is Americans of all beliefs and every walk of life - united as ONE - to help make poverty history.
Oxfam - http://www.oxfam.org/ - Oxfam International is a confederation of 13 organizations working together with over 3,000 partners in more than 100 countries to find lasting solutions to poverty and injustice.
Friends of New Orleans - http://www.friendsofneworleans.org/ - Friends of New Orleans is a private, nonprofit, nonpartisan, membership organization that provides a vehicle for people in the US and abroad who care about this region, to declare their support and get involved.
Join Red - http://www.joinred.com/manifesto/ - (RED), created by Bono (U2 singer and activist) and Bobby Shriver, is a brand designed to engage business and consumer power in the fight against AIDS in Africa. (RED) works with the world's best brands to make unique (PRODUCT) RED-branded products and direct up to 50% of their gross profits to the Global Fund to invest in African AIDS programs with a focus on the health of women and children. (RED) is not a charity or "campaign". It is an economic initiative that aims to deliver a sustainable flow of private sector money to the Global Fund. (PRODUCT) RED launched on March 1, 2006 in the UK and on October 13th, 2006 in the US. Current product partners include Converse, Gap, Motorola, Emporio Armani, Apple, Hallmark, Dell, Microsoft and American Express (UK only). Since its launch in March 2006, more than $100 million has been generated by (RED) partners and events for the Global Fund. (RED) money is already at work on the ground in Africa, providing antiretroviral treatment for HIV positive individuals, funding HIV prevention programs, feeding and educating children orphaned by AIDS and providing the low-cost treatments needed to reduce the risk of transmission of HIV from mother to child. There are currently more than 45,000 people on ARV’s (antiretroviral medication) in Ghana, Swaziland and Rwanda due to support from funds from the Global Fund and (RED). Lesotho has just been announced as the newest (RED) grant country.

#98 - My Guy Must Like Spare Ribs

And even in SingleVille, I still think about the things I want in a man… Let’s be real. I never said I wanted to be single forever (though sometimes the idea has merit). When I was in high school, I wrote a constitution of all the things a guy I dated had to have to be with me. I think #98 was that my guy had to like BBQ spare ribs. #2 was that my mom had to like him. #37 - I don’t remember, but I would imagine it had something to do with the way he held his pencil in class. Do you see where I’m going with this?

Since then I’ve dropped the ball a million times over when it came to men. I’ve dated people against my better judgment. I’ve compromised when I knew it wasn’t right to give in. I’ve been silent when I should have screamed. I’ve been screaming when I should have walked away. I’ve tried to mold myself into who they wanted me to be. And then finally I wised up and started realizing that if there’s dissonance at the beginning, then the resolve isn’t going to come because I’m fighting to make it work due to my own fear of failure. The resolve comes from being wise enough to accept the things I can not change. And the one thing I have not done recently is to sit down and really think about who I would be in a relationship if I met Mr. Right tomorrow. That’s a scary thought. LOL. He might be ducking for cover for all the darts I’d have to throw at him to make sure he could handle the tough times. But then he’d be basking in the glow of the greatest love he’s ever known. And that, I am sure of. Because there’s nothing more powerful than a woman who knows herself. There’s nothing more powerful than a woman who is passionately living, not just existing.

Many people ask me, why do you get so personal on your blogs? Why do you choose to document this part of your life? And I have two responses: 1. Because it helps me keep track of my thoughts and feelings as I move through the year. 2. So that in some small way, this blog helps other people find benefit in exploring their inner selves.

So to end all speculation (I’ve been asked literally 111 times in the past three months and that’s no joke) I’m going to present to the world what Joy wants in a man… I can only describe it. That deafeningly silent sound of ecstasy after a hard day’s work when you come home and you realize that no matter the chaos and calamity outside, love is there inside filling you with a spirit of peace and joy.

He is…

The one that asks, “What are you reading” instead of “When am I staying over?”

The one that says, “I’ve got an idea” instead of shrugging his shoulders.

The one who is relentless in getting the job done in spite of the many obstacles he may face.

The one who will ask for directions (or invest in a navigator) because his ego doesn’t get in the way.

The one whose knowledge of current events extends past who won the game last night.

The one who cares enough about his body not to abuse it.

The one who does not find endless excuses not to attend church but instead finds peace in spirituality and oneness with something higher than himself, whether he attends church or not.

The one who can teach me something because he sees that knowledge is power

The one who can make a difference with me instead of pointing out all of my many differences from him.

The one who loves in spite of, instead of in expectation of a form of payment.

The one who brings peace, not a power struggle.

The one who is beautifully flawed, not unnaturally flawless.

The one who studies me like history and physics and biochemistry because he wants to understand my personhood, not just my physical appearance.

The one that makes me scream like the Herbal Essence commercial – YES!

The one that inspires me in his daily walk.

The one who makes me sang Etta, and Patti, and Ella, and Shug, and Billie, and Gladys, and Aretha, and Toni, and Mariah, and even Whitney because I’m his supastar.

The one that makes me throw up my fist like a radical because loving him is a revolution.

Fortunately, I’m not thinking about it right now… LOL. But seriously, many people have asked me about this ideal mate, regardless of my current status, regardless of my protests, so there you have it, signed, sealed and delivered. And I bet y’all inquirers still won’t be satisfied. Still, do me a huge favor: Don’t ask again. Lol.

When A Woman Loves a Man

By David Lehman

When she says margarita she means daiquiri.
When she says quixotic she means mercurial. [as an aside quixotic means “extravagantly chivalrous or romantic”; mercurial means “Having the characteristics of eloquence, shrewdness, swiftness, and thievishness attributed to the god Mercury”]
And when she says, "I'll never speak to you again,"
she means, "Put your arms around me from behind
as I stand disconsolate at the window."

He's supposed to know that.

When a man loves a woman he is in New York and she is in Virginia
or he is in Boston, writing, and she is in New York, reading,
or she is wearing a sweater and sunglasses in Balboa Park and he
is raking leaves in Ithaca
or he is driving to East Hampton and she is standing disconsolate
at the window overlooking the bay
where a regatta of many-colored sails is going on
while he is stuck in traffic on the Long Island Expressway.

When a woman loves a man it is one ten in the morning
she is asleep he is watching the ball scores and eating pretzels
drinking lemonade
and two hours later he wakes up and staggers into bed
where she remains asleep and very warm.

When she says tomorrow she means in three or four weeks.
When she says, "We're talking about me now,"
he stops talking. Her best friend comes over and says,
"Did somebody die?"

When a woman loves a man, they have gone
to swim naked in the stream
on a glorious July day
with the sound of the waterfall like a chuckle
of water rushing over smooth rocks,
and there is nothing alien in the universe.

Ripe apples fall about them.
What else can they do but eat?
When he says, "Ours is a transitional era,"
"that's very original of you," she replies,
dry as the martini he is sipping.

They fight all the time
It's fun
What do I owe you?
Let's start with an apology
Ok, I'm sorry, you dickhead.
A sign is held up saying "Laughter."

It's a silent picture.
"I've been f***** without a kiss," she says,
"and you can quote me on that,"
Which sounds great in an English accent.

One year they broke up seven times and threatened to do it
another nine times.

When a woman loves a man, she wants him to meet her at the
airport in a foreign country with a jeep.
When a man loves a woman he's there. He doesn't complain that
she's two hours late
and there's nothing in the refrigerator.

When a woman loves a man, she wants to stay awake.
She's like a child crying
at nightfall because she didn't want the day to end.

When a man loves a woman, he watches her sleep, thinking:
as midnight to the moon is sleep to the beloved.
A thousand fireflies wink at him.
The frogs sound like the string section
of the orchestra warming up.
The stars dangle down like earrings the shape of grapes.

The Rise of the Joyocracy... I'm not a YES woman.

I hate being called bossy or “bitchy” by a man when he doesn’t get want he wants from me. I’m called “nice” when I have given up the digits; “patient” for not calling him out on his indiscretions; “sweet” when he calls at 12:01 a.m. in the morning and I’m not cussing him out; “kind” when I give sound advice; “warm and hospitable” when I play hostess at my home; “priceless” when doing all of the above. And on and on and on. But, let me put my foot down and its “bitch.” News flash: Contrary to the kindness I expressed above, I am not, nor will I ever be a “yes” woman. The people on whose backs I stand every day fought tirelessly, and painfully, and gave their lives so that I would not have to be a “yes” woman/person to survive in this society. And now, some brotha or any man for that matter wants to label me because I say the famed words, “No” to one of his long, drawn out list of requests. You may be the descendant of kings but this is a democracy and I’m upholding my personal constitution, Article 3.6.5. Which statutes that:

365 days a year, 24 hours per day, I will manifest my own destiny, free from the bonds of mental, emotional, physical, sexual, environmental, or technological slavery; this is not subject to change regardless of who may enter my life. I declare my independence from the labels, limitations, and expectations of other people.

Man (because by any other name would reek of sourness) - In case you missed all of the things I said “yes” to let me remind you: I said “yes” to getting to know you; “yes” to opening my house up to you; “yes” to going out to dinner with you; “yes” to entertaining you; “yes” to exposing my vulnerabilities to you; “yes” to hearing about your workday; “yes” to being the best friend I could be to you within my capabilities – but when I say “no” (as Beyonce sings on her first album), it’s like I never said “yes.” All of the times I said “yes” are erased by the one time I said “no.” And when I say “no” you try to lump me into a category with all other bitter, man-hating women.

As a single person, freedom is crucial to my personal walk. We have so many things which bind us – gas, taxes, bills, work, just to name a few – that we have to grab for every shroud of time we get to enjoy just being free. When someone tries to take my freedom away by labeling me because I don’t fit into their mold - whether it be as a “yes” woman or a submissive woman or just a human - then I’m not going to back down from the fight. After all, this is the fight of my life. So bring it on.

A Girl's Gotta Eat, but there's still a few things She can Live Without!

So I was on a mission yesterday, so much so that I forgot to title my blog. I’ve been thinking of titles for my blog and the one that sticks to me clearly is “No kids, a House, and a Car does not make you a Supastar.” LOL.

So instead of doing Tuesday Travel today, I’ve got to rap a bit on a class discussion last night. Group counseling just got steamy. As we practice becoming the best psychologists we can be, our 12-person class breaks up into 2 small groups and meets during the class period to simulate what a group counseling session would be like in real life. Long story short. I have never laughed so hard in my life. The topic: sex. As a young person, I feel like I have plenty of time to have all of the horizontal or vertical or diagonal relations I want so keeping a lid on it is pretty simple particularly when I’m unchallenged. But as I listened to the older voice in the group school talk about her own personal needs and desires particularly entering the dating scene as a middle-aged woman, I suddenly realized something quite profound: As highly advanced, intelligent, gifted we are, at the end of the day we are still deeply, innately primitive. Those basic needs at the bottom of Maslow’s famous hierarchy – food, air, water, sex, shelter, sleep – still reign over us even as we advance as a society. When we see an attractive person, we are automatically drawn to that person chemically and many times we react physically. We have to have water, food, and if we go without sleep for too long the body revolts. Those deep desires, drives, and wants at the root of who we are doesn’t diminish as we get older, though our bodies just can’t keep up even as medicine and research continues to advance. From the first human beings who walked the earth long ago, we have long been plagued with tackling the deep desires of our most primitive natures.

So thinking about the hierarchy of needs: I have food down pat along with air, water, shelter, and sleep (though I could stand to get more of it). But it’s the other one, dare I say it, sex, which is so pervasive. Maslow felt that unfilled needs on the various tiers of the ladder would prevent persons from reaching the ultimate pinnacle which is that self-actualization. So if I’m not getting any (+the other needs), then according to Maslow, I’m not going to truly experience safety and security, love and belongingness, complete self esteem/confidence, and ultimately, self-actualization and authenticity. I may be oversimplifying it, but truly that’s Maslow’s point.

So what to do about it – because some people aren’t moving up the ladder whether they are filled with all the needs at the bottom or not. I say we take care of the needs we can control and diminish the ones we can’t and speed head first toward self-actualization. Screw sex, I wanna self-actualize!

So I had an uneventful weekend in singleville. It seems that old ghosts stir when things are uneventful; and then there is the hint of change on the wind whispering that it’s about to take hold whether I like it or not. I’ve always been – and I can admit this openly – a controller. My intention is not to control people, but rather the outcome of certain events. I enjoy having a plan and knowing that my week is going to go a certain way, a scheduled way. So it goes without saying that I know each day what I am doing. It’s a must. Juggling work and graduate school as well as personal goals requires a schedule. Deviating from the schedule happens and I flow sometimes resistantly, sometimes willfully, sometimes nonchalantly to the change. Perhaps that’s another reason I’m single. I accept not knowing everything, nor is that an ambition of mine (I do exist in reality). But what I can’t accept is being treated less than I deserve or compromising because I’m “supposed” to for the sake of getting and keeping a man. It’s often an unwritten law that women are to change their lives to fit to into the mold of men who enter their lives romantically. But I have a set schedule. A set schedule for most of my week. Therefore if I were to see someone they would have to understand that, not constantly challenge it. You see, who I am and the ambitions I have to change the world aren’t going to cease when I become part of a twosome. I see that happening with a lot of people and that’s not my idea of life. When I observe children, they have such a zest and passion for living and expressing new ideas, challenging old ways of getting things down; and, when I observe adults I hear nostalgia. Sorry but no. The time is now. The idealism of youth isn’t an afterthought, it’s a revolution. But I digress. *Sigh* Back to my soapbox. In my own way, I’m operating under those unwritten adult laws: I pay bills, I make schedules, I complain about gas/taxes (yet I have yet to write one letter to my representatives in congress), I do the day to day stuff barely finding time to just dream and see the world from a perspective of beauty and passion and opportunity. But the one place for me where I find the most idealism outside of the political arena is relationships.

When I talk of idealism concerning relationships, I’m not talking about Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White and Happily ever after. I’m talking about making a difference in the world based on being together. Finding joy and passion within a twosome. Building a bond, a connection that is timeless, not just for this wrinkle in time. If I can’t have a conversation with you that consists of more than just superficiality, how could I build a deep bond with you? If you can’t understand my dreams (as I try hard to understand yours) and work with me (as I work with you) to come together at a time of meaningfulness, then it will never work. If we can’t kiss each other passionately without you thinking it’s leading to other things and pressing for other things, then perhaps we aren’t on the same page. If all I hear from you is sports and sports or how your job sucks, then what will you get in return from me? If every word out of your mouth is sexually related, I will never take you seriously. If you don’t know the value of sending a handwritten card instead of an “I heart you” text message all the time, then you’re really missing the point. If you can’t seem to remember anything I say, then I’m going to assume that you aren’t interested in getting to know me, but rather you just like the “idea” of me. If your time at home consists solely of gaming and your boys, then you should marry them and all get a house together. If your consciousness consists of just 10-second news snippets you heard on Tom Joyner, I will save you the trouble – don’t contact me. If you don’t understand or acknowledge the disparities that exist in America (class, education, career, race, gender, ethnicities) or across the world and you’re just concerned with how “the man” gets you down, then you will inevitably miss a lot of points I will bring up in conversation. If you can’t understand that I don’t want to hang in the house every time we get together but would rather go out – to a movie, to the park, to dinner, to breakfast, to sit outside on the patio and talk, to the coast, to the Dollar Store or flea market to look for bargains, to a concert, to a play, to sit in the car and listen to the radio, to starbucks, to the gym, to the grocery store – then you just don’t get who I am and I just don’t want to be bothered. Gas is high. But creativity is priceless, my friend.

I’ve been reading and listening to a lot of guys and I’m hearing stuff like:

“Ladies, if you can handle a man treating you like a queen, then I’m the man for you.”

“Yeah, I’m a man.”

“No kids, a house, a car, own job: Now what you gotta say?”

“A lot of females say they know what they want, but they don’t”

If I can handle? Did anyone question your manhood? Oh, and because you have no kids, a house, a car, and a job, I’m supposed sing your praises or roll over and let you walk all over me like a rug – Hmmmm I think not. Perhaps females do know what they want, but they find themselves not knowing how to reject you, trying to be nice, instead of kicking you to the curb. *sigh* It’s all just a bit played out. Can you step to me so I can learn something new and exciting? Can you inspire me with your actions, not just your resume? Can you find a new line instead of spitting old game that doesn’t work? Better yet, just be yourself, instead of your representative. Can you see that though I wear pants, I don’t want to be a man? And really and truly, could you stop messing around with women’s emotions and start getting in tune to your own emotions? Can you? Can we? I’m serious.

I say all of this to say, this blog is not intended to pick on men, nor express any bitterness. I’m just highlighting my thoughts and experiences as I’ve moved through singleville. And, I’m discontent by what I see our men and women doing to each other. We are so enveloped in materialism and hedonism until the pure joy of meeting someone and developing a relationship is disintegrating. I’ll end by telling a story:

My favorite dish at the Chinese TakeOut down the street from where I live is Broccoli Shrimp. So one particular day I sat in the takeout waiting for my order to be ready. I watched a couple come in the restaurant. I didn’t know they were a couple at first but I observed them for about 5 minutes. The guy was a bit shorter than the lady. The lady was tall with very distinct acne. I thought about my own battle with acne for years and years when I saw her walk in. She seemed a bit shy, perhaps with some confidence issues. They walked up to the counter and ordered. And I waited to see who would pay. I was curious: Would he pay? Would she pay? Would they go dutch? After being in that position on numerous occasions, the “picking up the tab” anxiety always comes no matter if you’re at Date 1 or Date 100. So, I watched as he reached into his pants pocket and pulled out a $20 to pay for the meal. He looked over at me and I smiled at him and nodded hello just to be friendly. I think he knew I was watching by that point. He was proud to be with this woman on this occasion. I could tell by his body language. Her body language spoke to the fact that she was unsure of many things. But I could tell this was definitely a first date, looking to be between two friends who perhaps wanted more. So a few minutes passed and the couple saunters over to the little machine where you put the quarter in and try to use the joystick to grab one of the stuffed animals inside the glass. So then the guy whips out a quarter and the lady stands awkwardly next to him still a little unsure of everything. A few seconds later he grabs the brown teddy bear, the prize he won from the game, from the little shoot at the bottom of the game station and hands it to her. Her confidence soared in that one gesture. She softly accepted the teddy and smiled widely. She didn’t ask for it. It wasn’t Valentine’s Day. It wasn’t a Prada handbag or a Laptop computer. And the look on her face was priceless. For the night, he was her hero. And they held hands and sat down at an empty table awaiting their meal. Cost of Chinese Food for two: $20. Cost of Game: 25 cents. Romance, giggles, and smiles at the Chinese Takeout: Priceless. Some things money can’t buy. Discover all the ways in which you can make a difference in the life of someone special, even without spending a dime. It’s the simplicity of a 4-hour conversation over a coffee. It’s the mystery of a note from a secret admirer in your mailbox. It’s picking a daisy for a lady while walking through the park or calling just to say hello. It’s the random teddy bear in the Chinese takeout. It’s the invitation to attend an Obama rally together. It’s about humanity. That’s what’s missing. Can’t you feel it?

"We are Madly in Love" - NOT! - Lessons Learned: Plus the Danger of Text Messages.

In my life, last week was truly a lesson about the benefits and challenges of self-control. The stakes are high. And the price we pay for lack of control and lack of restraint is too costly for many to bear. I decided to allow someone into my life who I thought was cool, maybe really cool. And, instead of developing a friendship and spending time together, he displayed a gross lack of self control and ended up putting intense pressure on me to be sexually intimate with him. Day one – I tell him I’m practicing abstinence. Instead of respecting my values, he decides to test me and proceeds to call me ‘selfish’ because I will not give in to his advances. Not to mention the fact that I also let him know upfront that dating is the second to last thing on my mind. *sigh* It’s a quest and a life lesson in restraint and self control that I’m on, and it’s definitely worth the physical sacrifice in pursuit of a higher level of spirituality, faith, and wisdom.

Don’t get me wrong: I’m not knocking anyone else’s walk. But I am saying that it’s important to exercise some self control.

As I attended an Easter service Saturday night with my family, I felt extremely tired and conflicted, because I tangled head to head with the devil for 72 hours leading up to Easter (kinda ironic isn’t it). I kept wondering why I was made to feel guilty for walking the path of spiritual and mental transcendence. Why did I feel a need to cut myself off physically from men now at this point? Why couldn’t I give in and share my bed? Did it really make a difference to share my body and connect with someone on that level? Then came the answer that continues to strengthen my resolve – Time and time and time again, sex has not strengthened bonds, but rather it has disconnected people from themselves and the relationships they seek. For some it doesn’t matter what comes; They just want to be physical and they want it now. For others, it’s the thrill of the hunt, the passion, the obsession, the mating call. Once the independent soul is captured, they move on to the next conquest.

My aunt handed me her bible and I began physically turning pages in search of something to heal the mental voices taunting me. It didn’t happen instantaneously because I didn’t let the word come. About 5 minutes later, after I gave up the search and closed the Good book, something prompted me to reopen the Word and it opened immediately to Matthew 7:6-8.

(Amplified)6Do not give that which is holy (the sacred thing) to the dogs, and do not throw your pearls before hogs, lest they trample upon them with their feet and turn and tear you in pieces.

7Keep on asking and it will be given you; keep on seeking and you will find; keep on knocking [reverently] and [the door] will be opened to you.

8For everyone who keeps on asking receives; and he who keeps on seeking finds; and to him who keeps on knocking, [the door] will be opened.

(Contemporary English Version) 6Don't give to dogs what belongs to God. They will only turn and attack you. Don't throw pearls down in front of pigs. They will trample all over them.

7Ask, and you will receive. Search, and you will find. Knock, and the door will be opened for you. 8Everyone who asks will receive. Everyone who searches will find. And the door will be opened for everyone who knocks.

Those verses speak plainly for themselves. Stop sharing the fruits of your life with people who are undeserving. Because they will pull you downward to their level instead of raising you upward. If a person can’t respect your walk and your personal truths, and values, then you should shake off the dust and move forward. Perhaps by your setting an example of excellence, they will be forever changed. Never compromise who you are in the name of “trying to be liked or loved” or accepted. Find strength and control in the knowledge that you are worthy. If you want a lifetime mate, stop tipping around the pig sty or kennel in search of a lifetime mate. Honestly, pigs, dogs, and humans do not speak the same language. Instead, ask the highest of the high for what you want and it will come. I’m no religious zealot, but I take comfort in God’s arms, getting spiritually lifted. It’s tough out here.

And speaking of tough, what happens when you go messing around the cherry tree – broken families, potential job loss, money problems, court cases, STDs, emotional anguish, and loss of all of the persons, places and things you hold near and dear. That idea got me thinking about the Detroit mayor. So I decided to write him a letter.

To Mayor Kilpatrick,

I know you’re a great leader, but there are high expectations and responsibilities for those in power. What example have you set for our young men and women? The divorce rate is spiraling out of control. Most children out there are products of broken homes and disenchanting situations. Our people need clear examples of leaders doing the right things. You aren’t ‘just a man’ whose inconsistencies should be swept under the table because of your gender; you lead millions of people and that’s the standard you must be held to each day. The people of Detroit voted you into office, an office you led with public fervor and private fallacy. And in the end, how will you now be remembered? As the mayor who could have been great, taking his place at the table of positive change? Or as the man who compromised it all, including his family, position, and reputation, because he was ‘madly in love’ with one of his top aides who was also married at the time? The questions remain. The damage is done. Mistakes have been made. But in the end – how you handle yourself within the trials of your life shows the true measure and character of you, the public official and the man. From the lens under which I view you, your measure and character have yet to be determined from this calamity. The jury’s still deliberating. My heart goes out to your family.

Signed,

A concerned blogger fighting against injustice

Detroit mayor charged with perjury

Kilpatrick says he will be exonerated

The Associated Press

updated 1:54 p.m. ET, Mon., March. 24, 2008

Oh NO He Didn't...

As March entered the picture, I began to get really comfortable in my singleness. The combination of work, school, and preparing for different future goals, kept me busy and afloat. But someone decided to let the air out of my tires. I was floating and then POP. At a moment where I was most vulnerable (Re: Iwantamanitis), I allowed myself to get caught up in the emotion of meeting someone new and exciting. I'm not going to bore you with the sordid details of the clandestine affair, but all I can say is that I'm human. I'm only human. My triumph is still holding on to the values I came into this process with as well as my abstinence which is sacred to me at this juncture in the road. Will I see that man again? I hope I can be strong enough to walk away and continue on the path I've chosen, not because I'm stubborn, but because its the right thing to do.

Iwantamanitis (look it up)

It's been a while since I've written on this blog. Blogs do evolve don't they. I started off saying that I would write here once a day, but that's a tough order to adhere to considering many different variables. It's not that I didn't have anything to say but rather, sometimes when there's much to say, it is better to say nothing and ponder thoughts carefully, which is precisely what I've done. Spring fever is in the air, and I've caught a whiff of it. I suddenly caught a case of the Iwantamanitis. Terrible thing, that itis. Gets you in a pure ruckus to the point where you start to wonder if you are indeed sane. I dismissed the sickness as a passing phase but then when I looked at my actions I realized that I needed to explore the Iwantamanitis if I wanted to tame it and not become a disciple to it (that would be a tragedy). So instead of searching for an outward answer to my itis, I looked inside and realized through trial and error that I am at that stage of real, sincere, and honest growth. Instead of dismissing the itis I chose to acknowledge my own humanity. If life is truly about our relationships with one another, then perhaps I would be remiss not to openly admit that I would love to meet someone amazing. The desire is there, the want is there, and my mind, body, and spirit is acknowledging that. The moral of the story is this... when you feel this way, sometimes its better to do nothing but go inward and explore. When we go outside search of quick answers we usually find ultimately painful ends. I might be in the midst of iwantamanitis, but I am firmly, deeply rooted in my resolve to do nothing outside of looking inward.

A New Earth... We need it!

So February was a trying month for me. It wasn't hard being single in February, rather it was hard staying well. Sickness kept its hold on me all month literally! So you weren't going to hear from me much. But here we are in a new month, ready to take over the world with a new consciousness. This month I'm excited because I'm taking part in a new course on Oprah.com (its free). The course is on the book, A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose. I encourage you all to read it when you have the chance and if you aren't doing anything Mondays at 9p.m. check out the class - live each monday at 9p.m. - taught by Oprah and the book's author Eckhart Tolle. Totally empowering. I'm loving everything on the empowerment tip. Changing the world and being an inspiration to others never goes out of style.

I firmly believe that uncovering life's purpose is important for every individual. Spend time finding yourself and understanding the world and your own spirituality and how it relates to the global community. We truly are a global community, not isolated... Yes you can make a difference.

Travel Tuesdays

Tuesdays... are for traveling... So let's travel away in our minds... Perhaps that will help me get over this sore throat! Or maybe I just need a one way ticket to Barbados for the rest of the winter and some of the spring.

Computer Lust... Not amounting to much...

Nearly a third of women who posted online personals had sex on the first date, and 43 percent of them didn't use a condom, finds a survey in Sexuality Research and Social Policy. I tried dating online and I'll be the first to admit, people are looser with their bodies and their tongues online. You can be whoever you want online. But, this statistic bothers me on so many levels. The desperation and loneliness drives so many people to do self-destructive things. When you meet someone online or otherwise, you have a responsibility to yourself, to the person you are and wanna be to get to know who you're dealing with. In my opinion, that doesn't mean swapping fluids, that means doing time getting to know that person on a deeper level than the physical. Now online, we get to know the person many times before we get to know them. Feelings are involved initially. When you get home, you can't wait to talk to the person or chat with them. Haven't even met the person yet. And then when you finally meet there's such a firestorm of emotions until many times (via the statistic) it culminates into a physical manifestation of all those pent-up emotions. But how sad to go out like that. Particularly when you get intimate with an online lover you've met in person for the first time. Many times, the fairy tale ends and reality sets in. Perhaps you didn't have as much in common as you thought. Perhaps the person wasn't who they claimed to be. And not using protection, well thats just ______ (you fill in the blanks). I think that meeting the one is not supposed to be an easy, snap of the finger process... It comes when you're ready... And many times, we fool ourselves into thinking we're ready when we aren't near ready. But, the fact remains, this statistic is indicative of a larger problem. Singles- don't be desperate; be decisive and defiant. And if you are out there doing things, wrap it up please.

Where in the heck did Joy go?

Have you ever just had a day where you're like "what the heck am I doing?" "what's going on here?" "am I a martian from another planet?"! I swear that's my day today. I do not feel at home in my own body... As far as I know there's no full moon... yet I feel like a werewolf. Have you seen me? If you see me, tell me to get back to me as soon as possible!

Ahhh what the heck... I'll just watch the red carpet/Oscars tonight and feed off celebrity calamities... Perhaps that'll bring me back to reality. On second thought... that'll take me further from reality.

"Life is Easier with a Mate" and other neatly packaged statements designed to urge dutiful compliance with social norms.

My professor mentioned in class Tuesday that life is easier with a
mate. I disagree. Life is what you make it. Easy or hard: You get
back what you put in. But let's suppose for a moment that life is
harder for me because I am mate-less. Take this assumption and walk
with me for a moment. Taking the tough road is not for the faint at
heart. When I have a problem with my car or apartment, I usually have
to take off work to get it fixed. That cuts into my vacation time
and/or sick leave time. When I buy groceries I have to lug all the
heavy groceries upstairs myself. No help. Moving is a chore as well
and I'm not even going to go there. When I come home, I come home
alone; I cook alone. There is no one there to tell me I've done a
great job on my cooking (though its wonderful I might add). When the
tub gets dirty or the dishes need to be washing, I do it because it
has to be done. I eat alone, sometimes with the TV, sometimes at the
table, sometimes over the stove, sometimes while chatting about my day
on the phone. I go to sleep alone. One half of my bed has not been
touched. It stays perpetually made with tons of pillows and that's
oddly how I like it. I wake up alone. No smells of coffee waiting
on me, though I guess I could program my coffee maker to have that
Starbucks scent fill my apartment at 6:10a.m. When I need to advocate
for something, I use my own voice, not the voice of someone around me.
There's rarely anyone else around for me to bounce ideas off of,
unless I call my mom or a friend. I am comfortable with my own voice.
Regardless, I stand or fall with my own convictions and paradigms.
There is one voice, and that's mine.

I hear endless stories about people's kids, dogs, and significant
others and I must admit sometimes the dog takes precedence over the
latter. And I listen intently while I think about my life. I don't
have to go home and take care of a husband or help kids with homework.
I don't have to let the dog out at 5p.m. I don't have a story about
how great my kid is at math or how I chewed a teacher out at
parent/teacher conferences. I spent my hard earned money on a red
Swiss Love watch for Valentines and stayed in bed most of last week
sick. Had it not been for my mother who took off on Friday to help
take care of me, my plants, and my apartment I would have been alone,
nursing myself back to health. So I guess looking at my life under
the lens of the toughness without a mate, its hard. But under that
same guise my life is also uncomplicated. I don't have drama in my
home, only peace. I buy food and clothes for one, and I eat and wear
exactly what I like without question. Life toughens me, and my steely
resolve comes from spending now virtually a handful of years living on
my own. If something goes down I know what to do, I know where to go
and I have no trouble blazing a trail on my own. I have the freedom
to just be in whatever way I want to be and that's a blessing. My
steely resolve comes from rolling with a lot of punches and taking a
few punches here and there. So taking the proclaimed "tough" road is
not for the faint at heart. But actually, it's not so tough. No one
ever gets anywhere taking the easy road. So to my professor and
countless others who nodded their heads that life is easier with a
mate: Life is what you make it. I don't look at the other side and
say the grass is greener and flowing with milk and honey. I look at
the other side and say "It's quite sunny and clear over here" as I
drink my drama-free emancipated martini – shaken not stirred with
three olives. Checkmate.

I'll Leave the Drama for the Celebs

I'm a recovering drama queen.

But now that I'm a bit older and wiser and semi-settled, life has really calmed down tremendously. But, I'm just going to have to call some people out and relinquish my non-judgmental tone for the blog. I'm wondering, what is wrong with people? I want a wear a sign that says "Do NOT Cross this Line!"... Frankly, I'm tired of being around the drama-filled masses. Why do everyday people take their cues on life from dysfunctional celebs? Have you noticed how much drama you've seen amidst people in your lives everyday? I think its the reality TV or maybe its just that people every where are getting in touch with their emotions. Men. Women. Children. Computers. IPods. It's like the hyperemotional revolution around here. I can't breathe I see so much expression and thats abnormal for me because I am expressive. But what I'm noticing is that the more emotion I see expressed everyday, the less long-term commitment. The long-term commitment people step into for the long haul is essentially a long-term investment in themselves. Which means one thing, they can afford to get emotionally and physically hyper because they took a long term investment in self and no investment in anything or anyone else.

Make no mistake, its important to invest in self, but its even more important to be good to self AND be good to others. IF I were to date right now, that would be important. IF I were to make a new friend, that would be critical. Because what I see is a lot of people acting as if they just wrote a best-selling novel, finished a top-grossing movie and reality TV show, and did two tapings with Oprah - The world revolves around them (no wonder our environment, economy, and healthcare is substandard). If it doesn't have to do with them, they don't want to deal with it.

I just want to say tonight, the world doesn't revolve around me because I'm single. People ASSume I think the world revolves around me because I don't have a mate, I don't have kids, I don't have a dog. They think I'm selfish and self-absorbed because I'm just me. I'm just here enjoying my life. Don't belittle my life because I'm making the choice to be all that I can be before I make a commitment to another person. So, beware, the world doesn't revolve around me because I'm single. Because I'm single, I revolve around the world doing my best to make sure that I leave this place a little better than I found it. And I challenge the rest of you to make the same commitment! Leave the Drama on TV where it belongs.

Thoughts on V-Day...

Valentine's Day came and went quietly for me. I spent the week for the most part in serious pain and the later part of the week in bed trying to get well. Of course I would end up weak, sick and tired on one of the most romantic days of the year... but oddly enough, it didn't matter. Life moves on. I sincerely hope that everyday can be a kind of Valentine's Day where for a moment we stop and think about the ones who really matter to us. Honoring special people. That's the true meaning of the holiday... That's the joy of life...

Travel Tuesdays - Fitness First!

Two weeks ago I started Travel Tuesdays... Well this week more than ever I'm convinced that travel should go hand-in-hand with fitness. And I'm not just saying that because I'm going to begin training for 5ks, 10ks and then hopefully triathlons - I'm saying that because more then ever, fitness is important along with traveling for pleasure. So this week is all about travel and fitness... married together in a great love affair. Gotta face it - travel is great; fitness is great. But together they are phenomenal...

The Reggae Marathon & Half Marathon - http://www.reggaemarathon.com/
December 6, 2008.
Negril Jamaica - Need I say more. Sun and Fun in Winter in Jamaica. Hot, fit bodies running for their lives... Interested? You have 297 days to train.

Women Listen Up... Are you an Irongirl?
Travel to 10 cities and compete in Triathlons, Duathlons, and 10ks...
www.irongirl.com
**Also participate and raise money for a great cause... The Ulman Cancer Fund for Young Adults.

Detoxification and Renewal at Red Mountain Spa - Utah
http://www.redmountainspa.com/_calendar_events/Detox2008.html

The award-winning program to cleanse the body, mind and spirit in the healing red rock environment.

Program includes:

• (1)Detoxifying Body Wrap
• (1)Personal Nutrition Consultation
• (1)Lymphatic Drainage Treatment
• (1)Acupuncture Session
• (1)METAbeat Consultation
• Daily Detoxifying Ultraclear® Smoothies
• Nutritional products to complete a full 28 day detox
• Detoxification Yoga Workshop
• Detoxification Cooking Class
• Mindful Dining Event
• Sprayology City Life Detoxer
• Healthy lifestyle lectures provided by our team of health & wellness professionals
• Welcome Gift
• Stylish Deluxe Accommodations
• Healthy Gourmet Cuisine - Three Meals Daily
• Complimentary Bike Rental
• Complimentary In-Room High Speed Internet Service
• Unlimited Fitness Classes including Yoga, Pilates, Chi Ball, Boot Camp and more
• Cooking Demonstrations & Nutrition Classes
• Healthy Living Classes & Events
• Full Use of Resort Facilities including: Indoor and Seasonal Outdoor Pools, Whirlpools, Walking Trails, Strength Training, and Cybex™ Cardio Equipment

Upcoming 2008 Dates
March 2 - 9 April 6 - 13 May 4 - 11 June 8 - 15 July 6 - 13	August 3 - 10 September 7 - 14 October 5 - 12 November 2 - 9 December 7 - 14

Ever thought about running a marathon in darkness... Jesolo & Cavallino International Night Marathon and Half Marathon... in Italy....
http://www.nightmarathon.it/eng/tracciatoMezza.asp

Hike the Grand Canyon??
http://www.theworldoutdoors.com/trips/grandcanyonhiker.html

And in your town/city and across the nation you can get involved in any of your favorite charities and run/walk/volunteer and get involved in changing this nation and the world!

So travel on... Snowboard, hike, ski, swim, kayak, just jump aboard! Get fired up!

Know When to Hold, and When to Fold...

And then there are the moments in which you realize that sometimes its just not easy being single. Sometimes you begin to develop feelings for someone which aren't just platonic and you have to ask yourself a couple of questions:

1. Are these feelings that will dissipate in a few weeks?
2. Are these leftover feelings from a previous relationship?
3. Why is this happening now?
4. What can I learn from this?
5. Is this something I can afford emotionally?

Starting with question 1 - The maximum time I try to give someone new, anyone new, coming into my life is about 90 days. In my mind, I can tell if the relationship is meant for a season or longer after about 3 months of contact with someone. If you give feelings time to saturate, as I try to do, I find that the superficial ones dissipate pretty quickly, the deeper more intrinsic feelings make me pay serious attention to my thoughts and behaviors rather than acting impulsively.

Question 2 - Sometimes leftover feelings haunt us particularly when we meet new people. We have to be firmly aware of that as we move throughout life and I'm constantly telling myself that. Freud called it transference when we project our feelings about someone else onto a neutral person, sometimes unconsciously. Cutting cords is so important so that we enter new relationships free of weighty baggage.

Many times question 3 is tough to answer. When we ask why, the answers are often more questions, less finite answers. If something is happening, if you've met someone great, then it was meant to happen at that particular time, in that particular place, for that particular moment. How far it goes, no one knows. But what is clear is that you have control over your part. You are not a product of the relationship. The relationship does not define you, rather you set the parameters.

Question 4- Learning is key. Every person who enters our life is influential in some way. There's something to learn, some message to grasp. It's up to us to pay attention so we don't miss the message.

Question 5 - Making investments isn't easy. Can you afford a relationship emotionally? Many times we think of the physical but the emotional is important, more important in my eyes. All of the risktakers would say yes to affording a relationship emotionally... Jumping in eyes wide shut. But as investors on wall street learned the past year... aggressive stocks aren't paying out aggressively... long term investment yields better results. Can you afford to spend time understanding and constructively displaying your feelings and asking yourself the hard questions if it means better relationships with yourself and others?

You may wonder why I am posing these questions...
These are the questions that I'm asking myself. And they yield more questions... Being single isn't easy. But I damn sure feel conflicted in some areas and its my first real challenge since declaring my singleness at the beginning of the year. To be sure, I'll be grappling with these questions for another few months... Goodnight.

Oooops I Fell Into Love!

I think I may have picked the best year in the world to be single.  Haven't you noticed?  2008 is just turning out to be the little engine that could.  Choo Choo.  Tax rebates. A landmark election. New workout crazes.  Lovely eye candy.  Intense debates.  Assaults on global warming, poverty, and AIDS.  I feel like I'm in the middle of a firestorm and I'm excited.  People are finally waking up after almost a decade of fear and uncertainty and finding the joy in living. 

 

Last night I had an interesting discussion about "falling into" and "falling out" of love.  Precisely the reason I didn't blog last night was because I was entrenched in pushing my viewpoint that love is not something you fall into.  Rather it is a lifestyle.  We use the phrase "I fell in love" as if we slipped in a puddle of water and fell to our butts.  Falling in love shouldn't be like the slippery slope.  Love is a lifestyle.  The reason that 1 in 2 marriages in this country ends in divorce is because people are falling versus climbing, stepping, jumping, leaping into living love.  And I don't know about you, but thats a pretty daunting statistic.  I will not become a statistic.  The old cliche "well it was fun while it lasted" does nothing for me.  How can you love someone with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind and spirit, one day... and then walk away the next?  And that's what I discussed last night.  If love is a lifestyle in which you make a commitment to another person, honor that.  There's going to be fights and moments where you don't want to be there, moments where you'd rather be anywhere else, moments that are so bad that you wonder if you made the right decision - but you've lived to tell the tale.  I've personally been through enough in my life that I can honestly say that I've made it through a few storms and lived to fight another day.  What is it about love that makes people throw up their hands and walk away and move on to the next instant gratifying emotion with another person?  Perhaps its because their love was based upon the "falling on your butt" phenomenon - and then finally they got up off the floor only to do it again and again - There are some sore butt bones in the world today. 

 

Perhaps its not love that is the problem; perhaps its humanity, personality and psychosis.  Love in its purest form is eternal, everlasting, unconditional, unstoppable.  But inside human nature is Freud's ID always knawing away telling us "you can do better" "if you don't feel good, move on to the next thing that makes you feel good".  So therefore when you combine the purest form of love with human nature's slant on reality - you get "falling into love"... a warped version of reality which bred the statistic that 50% of all first marriages end in divorce.  So now that I've examined it a bit, I see that love within itself is not the problem, but the solution.  It's the answer to human nature. It's a lifestyle, not a spur of the moment feeling or emotion.  Love is freeing.  I've never experienced that. 

 

And if I ever do experience love as an emancipated lifestyle with another human being, and not just with my spiritual Father, then at that time I'm going to stand in front of my family and friends and say "I do."  Bling Bling.

 

Yes You Can... Yes I Can... Yes WE Can.

Yes we can in my own "as a single" words...

Yes we can experience a world where singles can live freely and meaningfully without pressure.
Yes we can go to the grocery store and buy enough for us and the homeless family on the street.
Yes we can paint a new picture of the ideal American lifestyle.
Yes we can prosper under a tax system meant to disadvantage those who are single.
Yes we can change the course of this great Nation as one person, one voice.
Yes we can negotiate the story of our own lives without the words of others.
Yes we can go to the movies alone and enjoy ourselves.
Yes we can enjoy a night out on the town without a significant other.
Yes we can as a single person adopt or foster children who need homes.
Yes we can lead at work, at home, at schools because we are the backbone we need.
Yes we can experience life going 180 or 15 miles per hour.
Yes we can be anything we want to be regardless of age, sex, gender, race, marital status.
Yes we can live our dreams without interference from those who think they know our path.
Yes we can make the choices that matter to us.
Yes we can make the change that will matter to all.
Yes we can! Yes we can! Yes we can!

Thong-a, Thong-a, THONG!

Who says you can't have fun as a single...

My friend in beautiful Barbados - Kiki, a handsome and cheeky chap I must say - was my inspiration in writing this particular blog today. About two weeks ago, he and I placed a bet. I told him that the Giants would win the SuperBowl, and of course, because the Patriots had a perfect season so far, he went with the Pats (bad move). Well the coveted prize was not money, but THONGS. Well... um, to make the long story short... I have never bought a man a thong and I didn't EVER want to do that though my curiosity as to why he wanted a thong (maybe its an island man thing) as well as where I could possibly get one for him was churning. And, as I watched the game I was praying hard that I would not have to buy that thong! He later admitted, he never thought he'd lose the bet - but he's probably secretly glad he did. And so the Giants won out (one of the most fantabulous wins in Superbowl History)... and I have a red thong on the way to my house probably as I'm writing this blog.

I love the fact that when I'm right, I'm soooooo right. Another piece of fine underwear to add to my collection. And the great thing about it is... I don't have nice undies to please a man... I have nice undies for me... Don't get it twisted.

Why did my Married Friends Discard Me?

I thought this was a rather interesting way to start off the week. Many people have experienced the dissolution of friendships when one friend gets married. But the question is why? Why do we have to give up a significant part of who we are when we get married? Those friendships were important long before the match, so why discard your friendships once you find your soulmate? Truth be told, having positive friendships outside of the marriage can help you inside of the marriage. And likewise, for singles, having married friends who are positive and upbeat can brighten and lighten what appears to be a grim disposition coming from some singles. As we are becoming an increasingly isolated society, it is important to hold on to every bit of positive connection you have with people.... Read on...

An article from singleedition.com:

Married v. Single: How Women’s Relationships Change When Their Marital Status Changes

by Nicole Glassman

They march with their heads held high, radiant and confident. They feel safe and secure, fulfilled and energetic. They know they have something women only dream of. They belong to an exclusive club, by invitation only, a sorority for adults. They wear matching rings, their friends throw them massive parties, and they have a permanent date to all events.

These women are married, joyful and satisfied. Right?

If you are single you might think so. But the membership can change their home, their name, their families and possibly their friendships. They tend to associate with women “more like them,” leaving their old friendships behind in a cloud of resentment. What if married women felt just as much pressure as their single counter parts? What if they miss their old friendships, their support system? Could they be just as lonely?

Many of my friends and clients come to me because they are single, in their thirties, and stressed out from societal pressures. They may have a fabulous career, and great single friends, but they are frustrated by the unavoidable changes that have taken place in their lives. They may feel stuck and painfully aware of the impending timeline of their own life plan. Oftentimes they are resentful of the “ease” of their married friend’s lives and more importantly, they feel they have lost these friends to husbands and babies. These single women feel they need to meet a whole new group of friends because the only quality time they spend with their married friends involves an email or an instant message, or better yet, a wedding or baby shower. Although this dismal perspective is common, my dinner conversation with my friend left with me many unanswered questions.

The one question that many women ask is where do I fit in? Women are accustomed to forming bonds with friends on common ground. We spend years of our lives forging friendships in school yards and college campuses, when we are all at that same place in life. But as life evolves, changes occur and those bonds of friendship become fragile. When friends become wives and mothers, many single women feel like they have been cast aside. But this is just one perspective and every story has two sides. Ironically these social transformations are affecting women on both sides of the fence.

I took a poll of my married and single friends to shed some light on the topic of friendship after marriage and how each group views the other.

Many of my married friends view today’s single woman as “free.” They believe she can make independent choices without having to consult with a partner on financial issues, vacations, or daily activities. In addition, they look at their single friends with admiration because they have not settled and they have not given up hope.

In terms of friendships after marriage, the answers were divided. While some say have resorted to “e friendships” due to lack of time, others are depressed because their single friends no longer call them. They wish they could spend more time with their single friends but they say they are rarely invited. One married friend, Susan, says, “Now that I am married my single friends act like I am no longer allowed to be upset about my job, or frustrated with my body. I am never allowed to complain because I am married. My marriage should be enough. Plus my single friends never call me anymore because they assume I am out with my husband and that I am in bed by 9.”

My single friends had a different perspective. They say they often feel inadequate because they think their married friends view them as being too picky. They feel their married friends would rather associate with other couples and they feel that the weekends are probably reserved for their spouse. Ironically the single women envy their married friends for having a “permanent date” for weddings, while the married women moan about the number of events they have to attend for their husband’s friends.

The results of my survey gave me newfound hope. Single and married women can repair these relationships because there is an unexpressed truth and a hidden insecurity at the root of this division. Here are some tips for single and married women to reclaim their friendships and bridge the marital status gap:

1-COMMUNICATE. Invite your friend for dinner or sit down in a place where you can really talk. Women are famous for the gift of gab so why be silent when it really counts? Sit your friend down and first tell her how much you love and miss her. No one needs to feel attacked, so first focus on all of the qualities you love about her and your friendship.

2-ADMIT TO YOUR OWN INSECURITIES. Oftentimes we are our own worst critic. I guarantee that your friend wants you to be happy and is not criticizing you for being single.

3. EXPRESS YOUR NEEDS. If you hate that your friendship has resorted to emails and sporadic calls from the car, tell her. If you feel you need to spend more time together, tell her. See if you can set up a weekly catch up time. Even if it’s just 20 minutes of uninterrupted time, it will put value on your relationship once again.

4. ASK HER WHAT YOU CAN DO. Maybe she wants to be invited out with your single friends, or have a girl’s night once in a while. See if there is something you can do to make her feel included. You won’t know until you ask.

5. VOW TO NEVER LET THIS HAPPEN AGAIN. Just like any relationship friendships can also be hard work. But the comfort a friend can provides is more valuable than anything else.

February 1st - The Beginning of a Landmark Month and Year.

At the beginning of the year I mentioned that 2008 would be landmark. And now February is here. Super Tuesday is in 5 days. And the world is watching our country to see if we can change the course of our history and more towards progress and prosperity. You can change the world. There are so many positive events going on this month. Imagine the shortest month in the year would be the one that is most noteworthy for consciousness raising efforts on many topics.

First, today is National Wear Red Day. Heart Disease is the number one killer of women nationwide.

Celebrate National Wear Red Day—February 1, 2008—a day when Americans nationwide wear red to show their support for women's heart disease awareness.

The Heart Truth—a national awareness campaign for women about heart disease—created and introduced the Red Dress as the national symbol for women and heart disease awareness in 2002 to deliver an urgent wakeup call to American women. The Red Dress reminds women of the need to protect their heart health, and inspires them to take action. National Wear Red Day promotes the symbol and provides an opportunity for everyone to unite in this life-saving awareness movement by showing off a favorite red dress, shirt, or tie, or Red Dress Pin.

Join the National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute; Office on Women's Health, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services; WomenHeart: the National Coalition for Women with Heart Disease; American Heart Association; and many other groups to promote National Wear Red Day in your local community. Visit the National Wear Red Day online toolkit for free ideas and materials designed to help you spread The Heart Truth.

And of course, February is Black History Month. But the idea is to not only express black facts, but also to look at ways to get involved to improve conditions for people of color and all people of the world starting today.

Did you know that Barack Obama was the first Black president of the Harvard Law Review?

Why I Back Obama

As I sat at work today thinking about the presidential race and catching up on the latest news, a Newsweek article struck me.  The headline was simple:  Why Caroline Backed Obama, but it wasn't the headline that infused me with desire to read the article; Somehow I knew something inside this article would be different.  I implore all of you to read it when you get an opportunity, because it really speaks to the idea of the American dream and the changing of the old guard.  I can only think of the many people who have paved a way for me even when it was not popular or customary to do so.  I see such hope and promise from outside the hallowed walls of this race.  And while reading this article, I thought back to the premise of opportunity.  Opportunity not only to advance your own life but to advance others as well.  With Obama rests the dreams and hopes of many young people like myself who grew up in a time of great progress and then post-2001, experienced tremendous fear and witnessed a pervasive abuse of power, lies, and coverups at the hands of the current administration.  At this time in my life - single and fired up, ready to take over the world - I am convinced that there are many powers that be who don't wish to change the world, but rather wish to just exist in it and leave it how they found it.  I have experienced friendships with some of those people, and just like the changing of the old guard, I realized that I no longer wish to continue those friendships.  We can be cordial like Obama and Clinton, but when it's time for real change, I know I could never count on you because your divisiveness and polarizing viewpoint is exactly the reason this country is not progressing as it should. 

 

And that is why I back Obama because he is the whistleblower;  he is the noisemaker;  he is the unifier; he is the fresh face of a new America where all voices matter;  he is willing to make a significant and drastic difference.  Obama carries the audacity to hope and that's a resonating message resounding in every American pathway.  Obama in 08!!  Read on for the Newsweek article. 

 

Why Caroline Backed Obama

Her kids, her uncle, her father—and Obama's father—all played a role.

By Jonathan Alter

Newsweek Web Exclusive

Updated: 4:51 PM ET Jan 30, 2008

For all the attention paid to Ted Kennedy's endorsement of Barack Obama, the more crucial seal of approval may be the one affixed by Caroline Kennedy. An Obama TV ad that features her is already being widely aired in Super Tuesday states. If Caroline helps Obama cut into Hillary Clinton's base among women over 40 (especially Roman Catholic women), Obama aides believe her involvement could prove important to the outcome.

The behind-the-scenes story of Caroline's journey into the Obama camp features her three teenage children, her uncle—and a long-forgotten controversy from the 1960 presidential campaign. The complicated tale involves an angry Sen. John F. Kennedy, Vice President Richard Nixon's "truth squad," baseball great Jackie Robinson and a group of stranded African students trying to book passage to the United States—including Barack Obama Sr., father of the presidential candidate.

I've known Caroline since the 1970s, and with the help of a knowledgeable source have pieced together how she moved from neutral observer of the campaign to impassioned Obama supporter, shedding tears at American University on Monday as she witnessed a moment that, she believed, deeply fulfilled the ideals of her family.

"It was my father's spirit, living on in a meaningful, profound way," she said afterward.

For decades Caroline has dutifully campaigned for the Democratic nominee for president. But except for 1980, when her uncle Ted ran unsuccessfully for president, she has never involved herself in a party primary contest. She did not expect that 2008 would prove to be different, though her long relationship with the Clintons and her admiration of them left her open to possibly backing Hillary. During the Clinton administration she hosted a dinner party for the president and First Lady on Martha's Vineyard, went sailing with them and her family and stayed in irregular but friendly contact.

Like all Democrats, Caroline and her husband, Edwin Schlossberg, had admired Obama's keynote speech at the 2004 Democratic Convention. But she didn't consider his possible presidential campaign seriously until Christmas 2006, when a friend of her older daughter, Rose, a Harvard sophomore, sat in her kitchen and described how Ivy League students were already organizing for Obama even before he officially declared his candidacy.

Declining invitations to fund-raisers, she and her 17-year-old daughter Tatiana slipped unrecognized into a speech Obama made last April to an African-American audience in New York. Obama didn't realize she had been there until after he left, and he quickly called her to make amends for not saying hello, which was the first time they talked. She saw him speak again at an event on Martha's Vineyard over the summer (when she also saw a Hillary speech) and at a September Obama rally in Manhattan's Washington Square Park, where she stood unobtrusively at the rear of a huge crowd.

Unlike some voters, Caroline wasn't immediately swayed by his oratory. Instead she watched the campaign closely, read Obama's position papers and his memoir, "Dreams From My Father," and talked to Rose, Tatiana and Jack, now 15, whom Obama on Monday described as "my greatest advocates over the last several months." Like Missouri Sen. Claire McCaskill and Kansas Gov. Kathleen Sebelius, two other prominent supporters, Caroline credits her children with influencing her to take a closer look at Obama.

After Obama's big victory in Iowa, she spoke with the Illinois senator on the phone and pledged her support. Then, last week, Bill Clinton and his daughter Chelsea called her. Unlike Ted Kennedy's heated phone conversation with Clinton (which I learned of in mid-January from sources outside the Kennedy family), Caroline and the former president spoke cordially. But all along Caroline was talking much more frequently to Ted, with whom she is extremely close.

The Obama camp at first thought to send Caroline out to announce her support by campaigning with Obama on JFK Boulevard in New Jersey, but she decided instead to offer an op-ed piece to the New York Times, which she wrote on her own late one night, a few days before the Jan. 26 South Carolina primary. Before the article appeared she called Chelsea to tell her she was backing Obama.

One intriguing element of Obama's family history that resonated with Caroline was a long-buried story that was brought to her attention last summer. It drove home for her how history replays itself, how two generations of two families—separated by distance, culture and wealth—can intersect in strange and wonderful ways, and how people have no idea that their good deeds may come back to them someday.

Two weeks after he was nominated for president in July 1960, then-Senator Kennedy received a visit at his vacation home in Hyannis Port, Mass., from a Kenyan educator, Tom Mboya, who told him that more than 200 African students had received scholarships to American universities through the African-American Students Foundation but did not have the $100,000 for air transport. Despite efforts by Vice President Nixon (whom JFK would face in the November election), the Eisenhower State Department would not pay for what was described as "the African airlift."

With only weeks to go before the school year began, Kennedy quietly tapped his family's Kennedy Foundation, which agreed to raise the necessary funds privately. Upon learning this Nixon, seeking black votes, quickly convinced the State Department to reverse itself and offer the money, then arranged for one of his best-known African-American supporters, retired Brooklyn Dodgers star Jackie Robinson, to write a newspaper column praising him for coming to the aid of the African students.

But Nixon didn't stop there. Sen. Hugh Scott, who headed Nixon's campaign "truth squad," took to the Senate floor to denounce JFK for "plucking this project away from the U.S. government" in a "misuse of tax-exempt foundation money for blatant political purposes." Kennedy replied that this was "the most unfair, distorted and malignant attack I have heard in 14 years in politics."

When the truth finally emerged, Robinson wrote a column saying, "I don't mind admitting it—I was wrong." The airlift money came through from the Kennedy Foundation, and the students arrived. Barack Obama Sr. went to the University of Hawaii, where he met and married a young white woman from Kansas.

Their son, born the following year, arrived in the United States Senate in early 2005 and found that the antique desk he had been assigned on the Senate floor had once belonged to JFK, whose initials were carved inside. Obama learned only recently how his father's dream of studying in the United States had been fulfilled. A "young senator from Massachusetts" made an effort, Obama told the crowd at American University. "And because he did, I stand before you today."

The story captured why Caroline felt so satisfied by the symmetry of Monday's event. By Tuesday she was off to Colorado to begin campaigning with the man she believes is the true heir to her own father's legacy.